Not Quite A Kage Killer
by Lucillia
Summary: But then again, Naruto's opponent wasn't a Kage. After going through Tobi more than once, Naruto decides to try something else.


Naruto was more than a little surprised when he went through his opponent and didn't leave a bloody mess behind. He was more than a little frustrated when his next attack went through him as well, and slightly pissed when he went flying into the water.

As he was in the water, he briefly wondered how little Konohamaru would have handled this situation. Thinking of Konohamaru led to thinking about how they met. Thinking about how they met led to thinking about...

Less than two seconds after he dropped into the pond, he leapt out with a plan.

He looked up at the moron in the Akatsuki cloak with a grin that caused the former and current ANBU in the group to shudder, remembering the chaos that inevitably followed it.

Their shoulders slumped in relief when Naruto created about a hundred Kage Bunshin. The Prank Lord had truly died and been buried soon after Naruto had graduated the Academy.

"Harem Jutsu" Naruto yelled after making a familiar sign.

Suddenly, the clearing was filled with naked women, and Tenzo's world went black.

Naruto wasn't too happy to discover that his male teammates - barring Kakashi who said that the jutsu was disturbing and wouldn't go into any details as to why, suffice to say that it was apparently a very long story and Sai whom he was nearly certain wouldn't know what sex was if it jumped up on a table and danced naked in front of him - had fallen instead of the jerk that was blocking their way. He wasn't too happy about the look Sakura was giving him either.

Damn. He should have known. considering the fact that Orochimaru had once been part of that group, and that every last one of the members of that group they had encountered so far had been male and most of them had been paired up.

He sighed, there was no helping it. Attacking this guy head on wasn't working, and he had to at least try if he wanted him out of the way so he could get to Sasuke.

He had a feeling that this guy wasn't into teenagers, so he would have to up his age a bit as well as that of the other person he was...ugh, he didn't even want to think about it. There was no way in hell he was going to be "pairing up" with Sai or Sasuke though. He didn't want to get pounded into the dirt by an older and stronger ninja, so Kakashi was definitely out despite being - probably - the most attractive of the shinobi of his generation, and it would be just plain weird to use Iruka, therefore he would have to use what he thought he would look like in a few years and probably someone else from his age group. Out of the members of his age group who weren't present... Neji almost looked like a girl with that long hair of his...

With his mind made up, he dispelled all but one of his henge'd shadow clones.

"Oroike: Otokonoko Doshi no Jutsu." he yelled as he made a certain hand sign and mentally ramped his and Neji's ages up a few years.

He did his best not to wince as he went in for the passionate kiss that was one of the signature moves of the Girl on Girl technique that he was more familiar with.

There were three loud thumps that signaled three more bodies hitting the ground. When he pulled away from the kiss, only he, his Neji-clone, Sai, and Kakashi were left standing.

Kakashi had facepalmed, and was muttering something under his breath that included Ero-Senin, his father, alcohol, a dare, _and the Hyuuga twins?_

Deciding that this was probably something he really didn't want to know about, he walked over to his fallen foe. The man wasn't moving, and didn't appear to be breathing. He kicked the man lightly. His foot didn't go through. In fact, the man didn't respond in any way whatsoever.

"Hey, I think he's dead." he said.

After putting the guy in a storage scroll and reviving their teammates, they arrived to find Itachi dead and Sasuke unconscious in the middle of a massive fire.

&!&!&

"Tell me again how Naruto killed Uchiha Madara." Danzo said. He was pretty sure he'd been having an auditory hallucination when the boy he named Sai had first given his report.

"After his Rasengan failed..." Sai said patiently, he had a sinking feeling that this was going to take a while.

&!&!&

Hyuuga Hiashi decided to personally check in on his daughter since Ko had reported that when she had returned from her last mission, she'd been completely out of it and the medics couldn't find anything physically wrong with her.

He found her sitting curled up in a corner of her room blushing and muttering something over and over.

He moved in closer to hear what it was, so he could figure out how to best deal with the situation.

"Must not think dirty thoughts about Naruto and my cousin...Must not think dirty thoughts about Naruto and my cousin..."

What the fuck...?


End file.
